The Infamous Quest Blog

ok im here in my 3rd week coming up on a month and this past week was not so bad but her mouth has been the same, i got a call from my ex a few days ago telling me that now we really have to put my baby buster to sleep if you all remember we had a scare like that around the summertime but now he has got worse, we had him on steroids that made his lag better and he was up and walking being the buster that i know and love but now he gets up and eats but he is not as active and he cries alot so we know he is in alot of pain so i have to come back up and we have decided to put him down and its something like before i so dont wanna do AT ALL but i cant let him stay in pain cause i dont want hiom to go but its something that has to be done.

I know now that once its done im gonna be no good for a while cause i raised him from a pup he use to sleep on my chest and i trained him like i did evry pet i have ever had and i have a special bond with him i call him “MY DADDYMAN” and thats what he will always be to me i see now im gonna focus on rasing MADDOX cause he has been a lil out of control cause my ex has 4 dogs out on the island and he needs alot of my health so im gonna take him fom there and raise him with me cause i know he is also gonna miss buster cause they got a bond too buster never liked other male dogs in his space but he enjpyed man man they played so much like that was busters lil brother and he is so that but i love them both to death and i gotta get my head right in order to do this cause im not good with death more so when its someone or something i truly love cause i was done when my aunt passed on me it took me 8 months to snap out of the depression i was in i got high like crazy did not sleep much and broke down hard when it vcame time to lay her to rest and of course i still miss her smile and when we would play dominoes and she wouyld always kick my ass in it untill i got smarter and peep’ed her game.

so i will be heading back to nyc around to middle of february and im gonna be storng im not gonna fly back up im gonna take amtrak back up so i can have some time to do some thinking about all the things that god has done for me and the path im on right now and how my life has been changing so much and i do undertstand that god will never put you through anything that will bring you down all the things he does is for the greatewr good and boy he has been blessing me since i touched down here so i know everything will be ok i just gotta put the cloth of god on and continue to walk the path that he has made clear for me and im not gonna fall off cause his plan for me is a big one and im so ready for everything.

I have been feeling a bit low down here cause me and my boyfriend have not spoke in 2 weeks and its because he lost his ex boyfriend and has been making excuses about alot of things i wanna ask you guys something if i was dating you and you could not get me by email or on my cell phone and you speak to my mother wont you call her and get the number to where i am staying if you really wanted to talk to me no matter how much pain you are in over a loved ones death?  i know i would thats why i just gave up and im gonna talk to him about it when i get back cause my life has been changing so much i soooooo dont feel like we have the same bomd we use to have, dont get me wrong i still love him to death but i dont feel like we can continue cause i dont know i just dont wanna hurt hoim and nor do i want to be hurt so its right to just go our own ways and just be friends cause i want more in life than what ui have been getting my mother has not even met him yet all the time we been together and she has been getting more and more angry at hiom cause he calls her and tells her he is coming to see her and never shows up and my hood as mom dont take kindly to that and she has even calle dme crying about it cause i did not have any money to send her and she asked him cause they where running low on food and he never called i had to call upa few favors and get tjhat done, im not gonna go into that anymore im just gonna focus on what i need to be doing and that is making my life better for the past 3 weeks i have done alot o thinking and its been good thinking and i know what i want, wherte i wanna go and the whole nine yards so all i can say is stay tuned its gonna be a great time and nothing is gonna stop me from makinbg it.

well i have been here for two weeks now and alot has been goin on so let me start from the top. my cousin is a good lady but she has not been appriciating what i have been here doing for her cause she makes me feel like im her slave she talks to me like shit, i clean shit off of her, make her meals, wash her up, mop,sweep,walk her dog, balance her check book,shop,walk from place toplace and i dont ever get a thank you and im about have had enough.

I came down here for 1 reason and that is because family was in need i dont ask her for anything nor do i want anything but for her to get back to health but she is so use to being  independent she keep trying to do things thyat she know she cant do like she got upone morning at 4:30am to let the dog out and she dropped her kane she bent over to pick it up and she hit the floor and i had to pick her up and she’s no supermodel she has 204lbs on her but i got her up with ease but thats just the half she has got one HOT mouth on her  she calls me out my name and expects me to do what her home health aid is supose to do cause in 2 weeks she has gone through 5 of them cause they all say the same thing that she talks down to them like they are not even human and it seems she has no care for anything and its your job to do what she says no matter what and now i feel like goin home because of the same thing but i start feeling guilty because i think like that but i cant cause i talked it over with my god and i know i have done what i can do for her and done everything i have with love and i dont talk about anything but her mouth i have no problem cleaning her and so on but when you get talked to like a piece of meat that shit does not feel good it feels even worse when its family and you travel as far as i did and i came to help her get her health back, some family down here have been saying alot of shit cause they know abouit her mouth and they come over here and complain oin the phone to her about how im doing things but since i have been here each of her therapist have seen so much good comeout of my stay cause i tell her your not handicapped your a grown woman and your stronger than you know and they tahnk me all the time but out of all the bullshit my family down here talk about how many of they lifted there hands to come over here to take care of her, they talk and talk but talk about how bad her mouth is and how many people dont wanna come over here, it just make me sick i want your advice anyone tell me what is the smart thing to do cause im torn

Well i got to the airport around 4:00pm and i got so dizzy cause i was saying to myself that its really happening im leaving NYC and i had to get something to get rid of the butterflies i had flying in my stomach so i started on to security and i said to myself oh boi here we go and sho nuff we had a problem before that Delta had me pay $15 just to check my bag and then cause my bag was 20lbs over they charged me $90 i just payed it and went on to security but this ghetto chick there gave me hell about my id but a supervisor came and let me know there was no problem just extra security measure.

So as i walked to the gate things just started goin through my head about the task at hand and what i was going to get on this flight for and i started feeling a bit better i just hate the fact i left my mom and alex and  i know they are gonna miss the hell out of me but all in all im down here for a purpose and that purpose is to help my cousin get better and to take time out to mke myself a better person and become the man i know that i am so i really have no regrets for leaving but there are alot of people im gonna miss such as Kevin & CJ you guys have been the best family a boi could have you have showed me that with effort and comitment you can do anything and that im more smarter than i know i am and i promise that the next time i come to nyc i will be more than what i left the city as im gonna be a whole new man with a neww lease on life cause i owe it all to the man upstairs he made thr path and i have begun to walk it and im gonna make him proud.

So i am now a southern bell, Georgia peach or whatever you wanna call it just know that the kid is gonna make yall proud and MLK WEEKEND IN ATLANTA is gonna be the 1st time i get shit poppin and continue it all with the swearing in of our new president obama.

HAPPY NEW YEAR TO YOU AND YOURS.  I had a rocky 2008 man and i dont regret anything good or bad that has happened to me i said a great prayer, watched the ball drop and took my black ass to bed, i have been taking today with stride so far cause the day i get on tht plane is coming faster than ever now and i feel like im not gonna be able to say my goodbyes to alot of people but i m just moving at a fast rate cause i wanna be sure i didi everything i needed to do and be ready way ahead of time.

So today is a brand new year and im starting it off just taking a look back at everything that went on in 2008 and i see one thing that makes me feel great about 2009 and that is no matter all the shit i went through somehow i grew everytime, i learned something new about myself, my faith and connection with God got stronger so baby im alright i know nobody is perfect and you have to make the best out of everything but to evolve and grow it takes wisdom and you will be put through many obstcules and we as humans are not strong enough to take on things we know we have no power over but we try and try again, but just stop “and let go, and let God”.

It Works Baby Trust Me On That.

ITS 2009  ITS TIME TO GET YA SWAGA ON.